i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
