his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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