she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
