I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
