Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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