people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
