She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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