there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
