if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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