Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize