I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
