Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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