I feel like abortions should bother me more
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
