Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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