First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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