I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
