So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
