Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
