every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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