I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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