oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
