I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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