fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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