then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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