I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
where are you?
Hypothermia
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
