just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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