Pants 0. Shit 1.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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