Where did you get a picture of my penis
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
