I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
