He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
