I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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