I'm going to jail i love you
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
