She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
