I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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