You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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