someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
