did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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