my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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