8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize