Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
