he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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