Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
