i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
