wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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