I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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