SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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