i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
