You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
How external is "for external use only"?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
