please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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