She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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