Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
