We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize