Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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