so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize