She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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