Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you didnt know i had herpes?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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