well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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