So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
