Old men and throwing up are my life now.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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