i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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