Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
