True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
