she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize