He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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