my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
