dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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