i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize