Can Purell be used as lube?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
