still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
