Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
