Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
