She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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