all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Can you bring me the toilet please
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
