I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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