wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
