Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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