The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
