If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize