i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
