you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
