You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
