Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
